Diary


Tonight is new year’s eve, looking back and thinking what i’ve done in the past 12 months made me realize that i haven’t really achieve anything this year. I doubt that i had achieve anything big in my life before. My life hasn’t changed a bit these past few years [at least that’s what i feel]. Well, i got a job but i don’t think that it has change my life. Have i matured yet? Have i found what i wanted yet? Have i satisfied with my life yet? The answer is NO. I don’t think i’ve matured as an adult, i haven’t found what i’ve been looking for [I don’t even know what it is that i wanted] and I haven’t satisfied with my life yet.

“Stop being so pessimistic & stop being so simple minded” is what i want to say to myself. I want to live earnestly and positively. And the most important thing is, grateful for what i’ve got. I feel that i’m so ungrateful in everything that i’ve got. I hope i can change that, so i can become a better person. I guess that’s my new year’s resolutions.

P.S.: Happy birthday Sungmin & Ko-chan!

To Sungmin: I hope you’ll stay healthy & be more successful

To Ko-chan: I hope you’ll be more successful than you already are now & found your half one [besides Tsuyo…LOL].

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Last night i saw one of DoTs performances from Rosso e Azzurro concert. He’s smoking while holding the microphone and singing. I can’t believe I’m saying this but he looks freakin’ hot when he smokes. Honestly, I don’t like people who smoke, but yeah he looks so macho [?] [LOL… I can’t believe I use that word! XD] when he did that. This is not the first time I’ve seen him smoking. I’ve seen twice in his dramas, but this is definitely the first time I’ve seen the real him [DoTs] smoked. And I thought “Is he really from Johnny’s???” Cause’ what he did in his concert was so not idol-like. Though I don’t want him to go through that phase [depression] again, it’s nice to see the rebel side of him once in a while.

I read a translation of his MC part from Endlicheri’s concert this morning. He’s so good with words and very open about himself. He talks about his panic disorder period and what he’s been through in his life. He said it beautifully, I envy him for that. I wish I can be like that. I wish I can express my feelings openly and beautifully like what he said in his concert and what he wrote in Love Fighter. This is why he’s becoming an artist and I’m not [LOL XD].

P.S.: Interesting thing happened to me this afternoon.  I just saw my horoscope for 2011 on a tabloid [not that i believe such a thing, but i totally bored at that time :P], and it says that I will meet someone who can change my perspectives on love and marriage. Ha ha, what a coincidence! We’ll see about that ;).

Sad, but true. Well i’m not actually have a marriage phobia, but it scares the hell out of me.

The truth is, i do want to have a nice relationship with someone i love, but the thought of married life just seems so… dark to me. I just can’t imagine myself living under the same roof with a man other than my family, sleeping on the bed with him, taking care of him [maybe] for the rest of my life.

The feeling of getting introduced to a random guy just makes me feel nervous. Even when they’re [my parents] saying, “You don’t have to marry him if you don’t like him” i still feel uneasy. I wouldn’t mind getting introduced to someone at a public place suddenly cause it somehow makes me feel less nervous. But when a random guy actually comes purposely to my house to meet me, i just hate it. I hate the awkward atmosphere of it. I hate the feeling of preparing myself to look good in front of him, smiling all the time. I’m not sure i can do those kind of things again. I know that cause I’ve been in that situation before.

And now, someone wants to introduce me to a  divorced man who is like 10 years older than me. The one who wants to introduce me to him is the same person who helped me getting my job now. Oh no you don’t, just because you helped me find a job in a big [shitty] company, doesn’t mean that you can control my entire life! And yes, you can call me ungrateful. I’m so pissed right now. I’m glad that i can let out my feelings here, cause i have nobody to talk to. Well, more like i don’t feel comfortable talking about this to someone. Gosh, i feel so depressed…

Why can’t my parents understand that i’m not ready for this yet?!?!?!

Last week was quite hectic for me, since it’s the beginning of a month. For a week, I always come home late, it’s kinda drain my energy. But since I’ve been going through all of it for 10 months already, I’m getting used to it now. It’s tiring, but I have to deal with it.

Okay, enough about my job [I honestly hate talking about it, even with my mom]. So I watched the rest of To Heart episodes and I like what I saw. Well, it’s not actually a superb dorama, it’s a simple dorama with a happy ending and great acting. Fukakyon acted very well in this dorama. She acted convincingly as a stalker girl. I think this kind of character suits her. And this is what I like the most from this dorama which is… DoTs!! I love his acting plus he looks hot in this dorama [especially when he’s topless ;P]. No wonder he won best actor for this, he totally deserved it.

So that’s the good thing about this dorama, but the bad thing is [not exactly a bad thing, but IDK…] less kissing scene. There’s almost no kissing scene in this dorama, I don’t know whether because DoTs is an idol so they trying to blur the kissing scene or something. I don’t expect a love scene, I just want a decent kissing scene coz’ I’ve never seen a decent kissing scene from DoTs doramas before. But from what I saw [from his doramas], I don’t think he’s a good kisser [LOL… perverted me].

I feel like my mission to watch To Heart have accomplished now, feels great about it. Now, I’m planning to watch Gakkou no sensei, I’ve downloaded 2 episodes now but to download the rest episodes will be a struggle for me. Downloading from Megaupload is such a pain in the a**, don’t know why anybody wants to download files from it. Yesterday I spent 7 painful hours just to download 1 part of 2 parts for the 2nd GNS episode, and 1 part is about 350 MB. If MU can support IDM without being a premium member, my life would be so much better [Yeah, keep dreaming, as if it’s actually gonna happen -___-‘]. I hope my plan will run smoothly again this time, so I can accomplish my mission to watch all DoTs doramas. Now that I’ve watched 3 DoTs doramas, I still have a long way to go. I think after I finish GNS, I will try to download Yume No California. I don’t know if it’s good or not, but since there’s DoTs in it I will watch it. But from all of his doramas, what I want to watch the most is Wakaba no koro, since both DoTs & Ko-chan in it. I want to see Ko-chan’s acting coz’ I haven’t seen his doramas before. The thing is, WNK is hard to find. The one I found with sub is only until 3rd episode, I hate it if I have to stop at 3rd episode, it will leave me hanging and it’s better not to watch it at all. So I don’t think I will download it until I found the rest episodes with sub. Well, I guess that’s all for today. I’m at the office right now. I don’t want to get caught with my boss, so I wrote this secretly.

 

P.S.: My mom’s keep asking me to get a boyfriend, and I keep saying that I haven’t met anyone I love yet. Which part of it can’t she understand??

I didn’t notice that few days ago was SuJu’s 5th anniversary, I feel ashamed of myself. As a fan, I can’t even remember the date of their anniversary. Maybe this is why I’m not completely an ELF, I’m not loyal enough to them. Even though It’s already late, I would like to say Happy 5th anniversary SuJu! Hope you’ll stay together & stronger as a group. I hope they’ll win Daesang again this year!

Gosh, after a week my throat’s still aching… When will I recover from this damn flu?
I hate it when it takes a long time to recover… it’s always like that. I guess virus has successfully beat my immune system this time. Hope i can recover without taking antibiotics.

Anyway, I finally spent some time to watch 24’s drama [I’m too busy downloading dramas, but haven’t watched any of them yet]. At first, I wanted to watch Summer Snow, because people said it’s a good drama and 24 won best actor award for that drama. But some people said it’s a sad ending drama [thanks to the spoiler I saw in one of SS’s reviews -_-]. I hate sad dramas… so I stopped at 2nd episode [besides I’m not a fan of his orange hair in this drama :p]. Then I wanted to watch Kindaichi’s Shanghai Mermaid [haven’t download it yet :P], but then again I already knew who the criminal is [again, thanks to the spoiler I saw in Domoto Kyoudai -___-‘], so I feel kinda lazy to download the movie, plus the size is huge [but 24 looks hot in that movie, what should I do?? XD].

In the end, I choose to watch To Heart. I have watched until 2nd episode, and already in love with this drama. Fukakyon’s character in this drama kinda creepy for me, if I were Yuji [24’s role], I wouldn’t want to hang out with this stalker girl. But Toko [Fukakyon’s role] is also a sweet girl who is dreaming of a true love before she died.

What I observed in this drama, Toko always talks to her phone whenever she feels sad or happy. I don’t know who she calls of who called her [this is what creeps me the most, is she talking to herself?!?! LOL XD]. 24’s role has a cold and serious character but very persistent and hard working [reminds me of his character in Moto Kare]. 24 looks so manly and hot, I love his hairstyle in this drama so I’m gonna continue watching it. I just hope that this is not a sad ending drama.

P.S.: Someone keeps asking me to change my FB profile picture. So I’m gonna say to him, “Hey, this is MY FB account and I can do whatever I want with it!”. God, I feel much better now :).

It’s been a while now. I haven’t update this blog since the beginning of 2010. What, the beginning of 2010? Wow, that’s like 10 months ago. I didn’t even realize that time has flown so fast.

A lot of interesting things happened in my life this last 10 months. I remember I wrote about my new year’s wish which was getting a “real” job. Alhamdulillah, I finally got what I want. I got accepted in a big Japan company (though the salary is not that “big”), but yeah I’m still thankful for that. Even though I’m happy that I finally earn my own money and all, but there are times that I feel extremely tired and bored with my job. Not that I feel ungrateful with my life, it’s just that there are ups and downs in our life, and I think it’s normal.

I have a new bias…He’s not cute or handsome, but something about this man that’s so unique. He has an extraordinary character, which makes him stands out. He has a weird personality like Heechul. He can draw, he has a bizarre fashion sense and he’s witty just like Heechul. Moreover he has the same AB type of blood with Heechul. He can be dorky, weird, gloomy yet poetic. One more thing… He is talented. God, funny and talented guys sure can melt my heart. He’s part of KinKi Kids, he is 244. I don’t know why, but somehow I can’t have 2 biases at the same time. I feel guilty for Minnie because I kind of neglected [?] him lately [LOL XD…]. Now I’m more focused on 244 because I only know bits and pieces about him now. I’m still learning to know more about him and KinKi Kids.

Okay, here’s the actual story. I know him after I watched Kindaichi Shounen No Jikenbo. He’s not actually a good looking guy TBH, but somehow he seems like an interesting person to me. After I read his profile on Wikipedia, I started searching his videos on Youtube, watching Domoto Kyoudai & other variety shows he’s been to. And then I know that he’s extremely talented, not only acting wise but also musically talented. He has his own solo project and also composed and wrote all songs on his solo project. Not only that, KinKi Kids has made it through Guinness World Record for having the record of the most number of consecutive number-one singles since their debut single [I just copy & paste that sentence from Wikipedia, since I can’t really remember what record they’ve set LOL XD…]. At first, I wanted to know about him merely because of my curiosity, but after knowing him more I’m thinking “This is it! He’s my new bias now.” I’m becoming one of his fans now. Though he’s not my ideal type, but I love his eyes. They’re so pretty. I fall in love with his eyes… (more…)

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